Happy NUDE Year


Wanted to share with you this true story: 

Last night my wife and I went out for a small, nice New Year’s Eve dinner with some close friends.  We had a great meal, and some good wine. It was a nice, adult evening and we were home in bed by 12:30! (not exactly and all nighter, haha) 

I woke up this morning, a little hungover and hungry so I got out of bed and headed for my dresser to put on some sweatpants, a shirt and socks (I sleep in the nude.)

I opened the dresser drawer to find it empty! I opened another drawer… EMPTY as well! Where had my socks, shirts, pant and underwear gone? I turned to the closet and opened the door. EMPTY! Not even the hangers remained! Where were all my clothes?

I woke my wife in a panic and told her what was happening. She quickly became as confused and confounded as I was. We searched the house for any evidence of foul play, but found nothing.  I grabbed a bath towel and tied it around my waist and walked around the outside of my house. No signs of forced entry.  What had happened to all my clothes? 

We traced our steps… We both remember clearly undressing the night before; me hanging my suit up in the closet and throwing my socks and underwear into the laundry basket, which now only claimed my wife’s dirty clothes.

I searched the house again looking for a stitch to wear. Nothing… even the odd sock under the couch… nope. 

Merely toweled at the waist, I grabbed my car keys and headed out with my wife in search of something to wear. Holiday hours made my choices slim so we pulled into a Rite Aid. My wife ran in and picked up some sweatpants and a touristy looking T-Shirt.  She threw the bag in the back seat and we drove home. 

We pulled into our driveway and I reached back to grab the bag and felt immediate dread. The bag was empty!  Under my breath I muttered “no, no, no, no…” and searched the floor of the car for the clothes. They were gone! 

I ran into the house and opened up my laptop and began Googling “missing clothes… disappearing outfits… vanishing clothing…” it was a wild goose chase with no helpful links. 

I called friends and family… most assumed I was playing some kind of practical joke. 

By mid-afternoon it had sunk in. I was without a stitch aside from my bath towel.  I tried putting on some of my wife’s looser fitting athletic wear but was immediately struck with extreme vertigo, dizziness and disorientation. I ripped the clothing off my back and began to sob. 

Maybe I’m just meant to be nude this year. I don’t know.  I wish I knew what was going on. 

UPDATE: My belts showed up.